i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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