I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
