How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
