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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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