Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
