Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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