White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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