I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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