Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
