Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
