my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
