I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
