so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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