she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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