She said her name was "party"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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