I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
