Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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