He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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