im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
