I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
