In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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