I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Swine flu. Run for my life!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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