so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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