found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
