Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize