great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
