maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
