those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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