yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
