just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
