tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
