If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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