I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
