I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize