I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
