Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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