it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
