We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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