Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
