I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
