i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
