if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
