I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
