i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
