well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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