I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
