dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
