not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
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how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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