u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
