She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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