What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
