you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
