this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
