I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
