Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize