walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
