yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
