You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
