Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
