already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
