and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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