I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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