Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
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Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize