Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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