I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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