she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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