He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
dude. I can hear the air.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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