i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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