i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
